Confession: I often feel like a failure at being my husband’s wife.
Why? Because I can see how wonderful my husband is for me, and sometimes I even remember to tell him – but I have the hardest time showing him.
Why? I really don’t know. It could be a part of my sin nature, it could be that he makes it hard for me to be sentimental with him. (If you’re a wife and you have a husband who is easy to be sentimental with, write me! I want to know all about it! 😉 )
Often my issue is I want to be the center of his attention.
Our life is hectic. It’s busy and it’s full. I panic when someone asks us to do something or go somewhere with them because the calendar in my head says there’s no. time. And when something encroaches on any of the tiny bits of alone time I have with him, I can hardly handle it. I need time and attention and talking, lots of talking, to have the assurance that we’re on the same page, that we’re heading in the same direction at the same pace.
This week has been a lot of none of that. There have been misunderstandings, overbookings, misplaced priorities. And all of that is hot kindling for bitterness.
Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord;
looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God;
lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled.
I don’t want to be bitter.
Bitterness is horrible. It eats away all the good things from life, hangs a blackness over your entire outlook and fosters an empty, scared, angry, hopeless feeling inside. I should know. My depression in the past was directly the cause of bitterness I was allowing to grow, all while denying it’s existence.
I have to remind myself that all these things keeping my husband away from me are good things. He has to prepare his Sunday School lesson and, considering he’s doing a much requested study on the End Times, that is time consuming, deep work. The kids love it tho. Every week they are on the edge of their seats waiting for the next detail he is going to share with them. I’ve never seen teens so interested in Biblical things. He is doing a good, Godly work there. His job keeps him from home long, long hours, but he’s doing it for us, and it’s been such a good environment and place for him to be. It is a blessing, really. Wednesday night studies for the teens need to be prepared for too. We are doing Apologetics – helping them see how real our faith is, and teaching how to defend it. They need that, and it is something that needs to be prepared and studied for. Church fellowships are so important for great, Godly things – fellowship, encouraging each other in the Lord and lighting the fire to share our Savior with the world! Time with my in-laws is always well-spent. It’s time I get to know them even better, time spent laughing and having fun, building our adult relationships and loving on my sweet nieces. I love them all to pieces!
So my prayer today is that I can better meet the needs of my husband (IN our busyness) and stop focusing so much on mine. God withholds things for a reason and it could be that He is trying to teach me something. Patience or that He is the one who truly meets my needs. Probably, if I were to guess, both. 😉
Are you in a place of loneliness or despair that your marriage isn’t in the place you thought it would be? Pray with me that God can soften our hearts to where He wants us as wives. It could just be that once we are there, everything else will fall into place. 🙂
Dear Father, You know my desire to be the best wife possible to my husband. I know that I am the only one who can meet the intricate needs that he has and complete him as the partner you chose for him. But Father, I’m failing! I focus so much on what I’m missing, what I’m needing. I want us to have a strong, heavenly marriage that shows the beautiful picture You created it to be – the picture of You. And I know that means me doing my part. Give me strength and wisdom to do my part. You promised in James 1 that if anyone asks You for wisdom, You will give it freely! I claim that promise. Oh Father, how I love my husband! He is everything I wanted and he does so much to provide for me, for us. Please mold me into the woman & the wife that he needs. Thank You Father, for the wonderful times we’ve had together. Thank You that he loves You, and me! Thank you for always being there and always loving and always refining me. May I refine quickly! I pray all of this in my Savior’s awesome name, Amen.