*Rumble of thunder for effect*
Trusting God is a topic I am a non-expert in. I’m barely a beginner at it, and more often than not, I’m a failure at it.
Maybe that’s why I’m writing this. Maybe to share with you that you’re not alone in this struggle. Maybe to have a public written reminder that it’s something I want to improve. Maybe just to confess and begin again.
Life is tough. Have you noted that yet? And I’m in a first world country. I have food on the table most days, I usually have flour and some meat in the freezer, I have a way to quickly, easily wash clothes, cook food, and keep my house clean. Thinking of all those things can make one remorseful that they even have ‘storms’ compared to others suffering in the world.
God doesn’t discount our trials tho. He gives us each our own for reasons so good for us, even tho they often feel so bad. My times of greatest hardship have been my times of greatest growth, and, after the first emotions of anger, disbelief or despair that He would let this happen to me, they’ve been the times I’ve drawn closest to God and learned a little bit more about Him. And every time I get to learn more about Him, the more I love Him, and the more I realize how beautiful and wonderful His unconditional love is for me.
For the Lord is great and greatly to be praised; He is to be feared above all gods.
For all the gods of the people are idols, but the Lord made the heavens.
Honor and majesty are before Him;
Strength and beauty are in His sanctuary.
God sees the whole picture, we see but a tiny corner. How can we question God and lash out at Him for not doing what we needed? How do we know what He did isn’t what we needed? Believe me, I have absolutely been one to question and I’ve, ashamedly, been one to angrily point out that He wasn’t following the perfect blueprint I had drawn up for my life.
Blueprint, age 13: Right now I was supposed to be a country music superstar, with a record deal with MCA Nashville or Curb Records. I would have a beautiful tour bus, with 12 bunks each with their own little TV and window (mine would be the middle or top), and a long, comfy couch to watch as the countryside passed while we were going from one venue to the other. I would have a band of people who were super talented, happy, and fun-loving and treated each other like family. My bus driver was fatherly and funny, and we all kept each other on the straight and narrow. We would hobnob with people like Josh Turner and the Gaithers (oh yeah, sing some gospel too), and be a good testimony for our Savior. I’d meet a handsome guy, who would be involved in music somehow, and we’d fall head-over-heels in love. I’d make enough money to make sure people I cared about were secure, then the handsome guy and I (who had married me in a fancy wedding they wrote about in magazines) would buy some property and build a beautiful house with all these little paved pathways thru trees and terrain to ride bikes or drive my golf cart/gator around on. I’d go to children’s hospitals and make a whole bunch of little ones dreams come true. The studio was long hours, but so exciting to hear new songs to make my own.
That one was a long shot. It sure didn’t seem like it at 13 tho. I thought my talent/gift was right up there with LeAnn Rimes and Martina McBride. How embarrassing. 😛 But considering this post is for inspiration and also a confession-session, I’ve committed to being totally honest. Hang on, it’ll be over soon. 😉
Blueprint, age 18: Get out of nursing/MA school and get a good job so I can support those I care about. Start driving more so I’m not so scared of it. Meet a special guy my parents approve of, make plans my parents approve of and get married when I’m 21.
Blueprint, age 23: Make more money, work as many hours as I can, maybe get a second job if they’ll let me so I can help more and things aren’t so stressful. Drive somewhere other than 10 minutes to work, 10 minutes home. Maybe get my own, cheapy car. Meet a handsome guy that my family adores, loves God and who could help support us. Have a great relationship with my loved ones and be one of the few who can make them proud.
There were many other dreams in each one of those blueprints, but out of all of them, I have to say God didn’t see fit to let many of them come true. The single most important one, however, He did. 🙂 (No, not the tour bus) My dream of meeting and marrying a handsome man who loves God did come true, and out of all those little dreams (except the tour bus – that’s not little), it was the most important and the best thing for me. Those other things, which I thought were normal and were to be expected, fell through. And for a time I was devastated and lost and hurt and angry. But as our God is so good and patient, He allowed me to go through that time to show me how much better He knows me and what I need. Just like a loving, adoring father who gently guides his little girl away from what is bad and/or dangerous so that she can grow up and have a future.
So if you’re like me, and have had/are having a unique experience in the life you never dreamed of having, hold on. Know that if you truly love God, believe in His Son and want to live your life glorifying Him, ALL things will work together for your good.
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God,
to those called according to His purpose.
And another one of my memory verses that I love:
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life;
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
Even tho things are hard and they sting and it feels like you’re spinning your wheels, hold on. God is bigger, and even tho this life can hurt so bad, remember it is but a breath, a passing shadow, until we can see our Savior and have forever joy and peace in His presence. We have so much to look forward too! And I can guarantee it’s so much better than the life of a rich and famous country music superstar. 😉
How has your life turned out differently than you planned? How have you seen that as God’s handiwork?