To the Unprincipled Woman deep in adultery,
I’ve had you on my heart for a while now.
I’m sure you don’t get a lot of support or encouragement in your new role. Even those with the lowest of morals seem to look down on you.
So that’s not what I want to say to you right now.
First, I want to say, taking you out of the situation you’re in, God loves you.
His Son, Jesus, knew you would do what you’re doing when He willingly hung on the cross, dying a miserable, horrible death for our sins – yours just the same as mine. He promised to wipe away the blackness of your sin, same as He promised He would for every person who chooses to follow Him.
There is forgiveness and renewal to be had, if you would just choose it. (Feel free to message me about it).
Secondly, I want to bring some reality to your situation, because in every case I’ve seen like this, there’s never any of that in it, for either party.
So, Unprincipled Woman,
Remember the man you’re with:
- Made a public, verbal commitment to:
- love
- honor
- cherish
- and support a DIFFERENT WOMAN through:
- sickness and health
- good times and bad
- for the REST OF THEIR LIVES
What makes you think he’s going to love, honor or cherish you?
I’m sure he’s said things in the heat of the moment you hang onto, pretending this could be the real thing, but there’s no weight behind any of it because there is no commitment.
There’s zero incentive to be faithful to you, dear woman.
No one is even expecting him to be faithful to you.
Why?
Because you are not his.
You are a cheap substitute for the wife of his youth. A fill in. A byproduct of a mind that lusted for something he shouldn’t have.
You are disposable and expendable and a willing pawn in a game someone else is playing.
You don’t have to remain an Unprincipled Woman:
- Repent, ask God to forgive your sin
- Find a Bible believing church and get involved in a ladies group or Bible study
- Wait for the one who will make the public, verbal commitment to love, honor and cherish YOU for life
- And then make that same commitment to him and do your part in making your marriage good for life
God has the BEST in store for those who love Him, and this situation is the opposite of His best.
But it’s not fair.
I know it’s easy to listen to and sympathize with the sad story the man gave you.
It’s easy to rationalize that his nasty wife was a husband-abuser who berated, belittled, nagged and complained at him. He was made to feel like less of a man, a step parent to his own children. He couldn’t get a word in, couldn’t do a thing right. The man spent his life working only to never be appreciated or respected.
It’s really sad (and that’s NOT how marriage should be), but to that I say: SO. WHAT.
That is not YOUR concern.
Their marriage was on the rocks, and instead of you staying out of the mire, you added filth between them that will take a long, long time to scrub away and will forever leave a stain.
Hope For Healing
God can and does miraculously heal marriages. He’s even healed marriages that have been nearly destroyed by the physical and emotional unfaithfulness of adultery.
I’ve seen it and it’s beautiful and faith-building, but infidelity is something that never, ever goes away from the history of a couple.
You don’t belong in the situation you are in.
There are options to get out. Don’t stay there with that man. Make him accountable to the commitment he made. Possibly make an appeal to his wife for forgiveness for your part.
Then get away from the entire situation. They have lots of work to do. It’s not up to you now whether they make it work or not.
It is your responsibility to take control of your life and turn it around. You don’t have to stay in infidelity and adultery.
What You Need To Do:
Be a strong woman. A woman who respects her body and her soul enough to get out and stay out of destructive relationships.
Be someone who doesn’t melt to the lustful words of a lost man who will leave you the moment he gets homesick for his previous life and his actual family.
Repent, and ask God for forgiveness and healing.
I want to be the one who tells you – you can do it. You ARE strong enough to get out now.
There’s no reason not to, and every reason to.
I’m rooting for you,
Tiffany
Hi Tiffany, I have a question-
Have you ever been the “other woman”?
While I appreciate your comments, you seem very defensive of the husband in this situation. You also talk about God, but you basically said the other woman is cheap, expendable etc. those are hurtful harsh words. Not Godly or loving that is. So I just wondered, do you know what it’s like to be the “other woman”? Do you know what it’s like to be a believer of God, and yet be the “other woman”? Do u know what she feels in this situation? Just curious
Hi Erica,
No, I have never been the other woman. I will never be the other woman.
1 – when I was still single (as I was until 25), married men were not romantic relationship options. Oh you’re married? That’s great, I’m not interested.
2 – God has strong words about the marriage bed. Hebrews 13:4 CSB – Marriage must be respected by all, and the marriage bed kept undefiled, because God will judge immoral people and adulterers.
3 – as a Christian, I would never be in a physical relationship with someone outside of marriage. If he is married, we obviously couldn’t be married.
The other woman IS cheap to the husband. She was easy. I don’t care how long he groomed her before he got her into bed, it doesn’t matter. She requires no commitment, yet she gives him what he wants. That is cheap. And I’ve seen it more times than I can explain just how expendable she is. The moment he wakes up, the moment he gets homesick for his old life, she’s thrown away. Sometimes the truth hurts. Jesus was not always gentle and coddling to those He was reaching.
Sadly, even demons “believe in God”. The difference is when you’ve trusted in Jesus, asked Him to help you live correctly, and repent from (run from and cease to commit) the sins in your life. He absolutely can and WILL forgive the other woman when she does that. <3
PERFECTLY SAID!
So we all blame the woman and let the other woman who treated her husband as an ATM share no responsibility to why she failed in her marriage. She also took a vow to love, honor and cherish however to never let him be part of the family life and treated as a second rate person was too cherish, I think not. I think this post is very one sided.
Hi Lisa,
Did you read the whole letter? The woman’s sin – being a part of an adulterous relationship that has no commitment behind it, is hers to bear. This has nothing at all to do with the wife and whether she caused her marriage to crumble or not. I spoke to both the husband AND the wife in this situation. You can find them here and here.
Either way, adultery is adultery, whether a man was treated poorly beforehand or not. God will judge it. God will ALSO judge a woman’s actions that could have pushed her husband in that direction. He has strong words for a nagging woman. Just google ‘nagging woman verse’. Notably, it’s better to live on the corner of a roof than in the house with a nagging wife. That does NOT say, your wife sucks, go out and sleep with a different woman.
The point I want to make, and tried to make in the letter, is that God provided a substitute for the just punishment we’ve earned through all these sins in our lives. Trusting in Jesus, and repenting of (running from and no longer committing) any/all sins is all it takes to have them wiped away. I pray you’ve also accepted that free, amazing, undeserved gift, Lisa. <3
Wow! This article has just shaken my “Spirituality.”
I hope that is a good thing! <3
Maybe your husband also takes some blame in this situation, no?
The husband absolutely takes blame in the situation. However we all stand before God someday for OUR sins, not another’s. I’m not talking to the husband in this letter. He got his own letter here: https://wholesomehousewife.com/broken-unfaithful-man-left-his-wife/
The other woman was my good friend and my marriage was good marriage. I forgave him, but it’s been hard to forgive her. She acts ritious and that he only stayed with me because a divorce is too expensive.
I’m so sorry you went through that, Kristin! You are so right (and amazing!) to be able to forgive him, but her, I would do my best to avoid and cut out of your lives. The Bible is clear that that we need to forgive, but God does not say we need to keep people in our lives that have hurt us and are unrepentant about it. Stay strong, dear Wife. Sending huge hugs!