You’re so small now, but I hear you. Your little (big) kicks and flutters tell me you’re here, and you’re ok. I try to get your daddy to feel, but he hasn’t quite caught you yet. This is all so new, for all of us. You being in my belly has opened up a whole new world of emotion and love and excitement and questions. There’s a lot to this big place out here, and someday you will get to see and hear and feel it all for yourself.
First, you have a lot of learning to do. Sometimes here is a scary place. Sometimes people are mean, and focus only on themselves and what they want. That can make them angry and bitter and selfish. Sometimes it’s easy to fall into those feelings yourself.
I have a lot of dreams for you, little one. I want you to grow up to be a strong, happy, loving, man of God. Like your daddy. I want you to want to please God and live for Him, because you know that He is the One who gave you life, who loves you more than anyone else in the world (including mommy and daddy!), and who gave up His Son to die so you could live forever! Jesus loved you so much, so many years before you existed!
My other dreams for you are simple. I want you to know that we are here for you, no matter what. I want you to love to help people, and for your heart to break for those who are lost. I want you to reach for your dreams, and always search out whether they are what God wants for you. I want you to be confident, and sure enough to go out into the world to share your talents, strengths and most of all, your Savior. I want you to search out the little lady God already has planned for you, and to wait patiently for her, because her love is so worth waiting for.
More than for you, sweet baby, I have dreams for me. I dream that I can teach you and hold onto you only as long as I am supposed to. I dream that I can encourage you to live your dreams and never hold you back because of a mama’s anxiety or fear of losing her child. I dream that I can live boldly believing God that He loves you even more than me, and wants the best for you, even more than me. I pray, even tho I know I will make mistakes, that someday when you have left our home and are all grown up, that you can remember me fondly. That you can remember me as a fun, happy, loving mama who loved your daddy more than life, who put her family first, who loved God fiercely and always tried to do the right thing. I pray I can help make lots of good memories for you to hold onto. I dream that when you talk of me, there are no pricks of pain or heartache because of things I’ve done.
My little baby, how much growing you have left to do. How much growing your mama has left to do! My life hasn’t been easy (you will see that no one’s life is ever easy), and I have many, many shortcomings. I cave to anxiety, I can find the bad in any situation. Sometimes I just want to hide away from everyone and everything. But I promise to always try to do my best and to be the best mama I can be to you. I promise to always pray before we make decisions that will affect your life and future. I promise to always try to be the best wife to your daddy, because our love is what will steady and reassure you.
So my dear little one, I hope someday, when you can read and understand this, that you can look back on your childhood and say, yeah things weren’t always easy…. but it was good. We are going to give our best for you, and trust that God will smooth over all the rough edges.
From the bottom of your mama’s heart,
I love you, little one.
