Mama Confessions – An Authentic Behind The Scenes Look

I have Mama Confessions to make, including:

Being Mama is like no other job on this green earth.

And all the mamas say “Amen”.

Each of our precious little ones is unique beyond unique and provides a streak of crazy only explained by the combination of the two crazy people who made them. But would we ever even consider turning back?

Yes, yes we would.

BUT only on the truly off the wall, pull-your-eyelashes-out-one-by-one, kind of nonstop days. The rest of the time, even on the normal bad days, we wouldn’t exchange our kids for all the gift cards in the world to Hobby Lobby. 😉

Despite the uniqueness of our children, there are certain things that are inevitably the same. It’s almost creepy. So in the spirit of warning new mamas ahead of time, here is a non-exhaustive list of some of those things. Don’t worry, some might be annoying, but they’re (usually) not lethal. 😉

Mama Confession #1 – You’ll catch yourself saying things

Like, “Aww I’m sorry sweetheart. Did it run over your face?” when a random truck, tractor, train or semi makes it’s way across your little ones face for the 827th time this morning.

Most times you’ll make up your own doozies. Things will just come out of your mouth, and sometimes it’ll be hard to understand or stop. Classic story – my dear, crazy father-in-law was frustrated with my brother-in-law one time when they were growing up. I think they were at a restaurant. He sputtered, “Why can’t you just be a normal heeming buing?!” [sic] We think he meant ‘human being’, but my husband and his sister can’t remember because they were laughing so hard.

😛

Some of your upcoming motor-mouth moments might include when your precious, adorable, almost 1 year old baby girl is dunking your and hubby’s bedroom TV remote in the toilet and sucking it off. Then there’s the classic pull-all-the-Kleenex-from-the-box and chew on then spit out half of them days. And don’t forget the competitions of who can toss their wet, gloppy food (think yogurt with chunks of bananas, or meat sauce with springy rotini pasta) the farthest across the dining room floor into the kitchen.

There’s more. So much more, but I don’t want to overwhelm you with gory details either. 😉

Just remember, there are such amazing times ahead of you, new mama. Don’t worry, you’re strong. You will get through this. And these moments make for GREAT wedding stories. Brownie points if you get a picture.

(And just FYI, anything you say in those situations will be said completely, entirely seriously).

Watch this. You’ll laugh. Then keep reading. 😉

Mama Confession #2 – You’ll realize food is useful as more than just food

So I want to know – how many mamas out there HAVEN’T cleaned O’s and pretzels out of dump truck beds, swirly turtle toys, or the back of cop cars?

And how many of you will admit (like me) that you noticed them doing it in the first place, but they were quiet and happy and having fun, so you let them?

Mama, you’re the bomb. *simulated explosion sound* Cause mamas do that. (If you’re a boy mama, you also do the simulated explosion sound out loud.) Sometimes a lot. (Sometimes a lot.) 😉

Mama Confession #3 – Your favorite thing in the world will become diapers that FIT

Somehow diaper manufacturers still haven’t been able to fill the void between diapers. Oh they say they have in the weight chart, but really they’re lying. There’s always those (long) moments in time, between each size, where the baby is no longer EITHER size. The size up is too big, the size down is too small.

So at that point, it’s a judgement call. Do you want explosions up the back? If so, size down, where there is no seat to the diaper left, yet the leg seal is undeniable. Or out the sides? Size up then, where there’s plenty of seat, but no seal – anywhere. Kind of like the old Baywatch bathing suits where the seam at the top, outside of the thigh fell somewhere just under the armpit.

The best feeling in the world? Whenever they are NOT in that void.

Mama Confession #4 – You will mentally prepare yourself each day for chores to take twice as long as usual (at the very least)

Picture this:

You finally made the time to tackle the small mountain range of clothing, towels, burp cloths, etc. on the sofa. You turned your back for 1.5 seconds. Now your toddler is joyfully bouncing around in a huge ‘leaf pile’ of newly folded laundry that he pulled off the couch and strewn all over the (unvacuumed) floor.

He didn’t touch the stuff you HAVEN’T folded yet.

Now picture this:

You mentally hype yourself to deep clean the kitchen and dining. (That means a normal cleaning, plus washing the counters and tabletop, decluttering and cleaning the floor). 2 minutes in, your toddler says ‘poopy’, and you know you’d better get him to the potty fast. 15 minutes later, mess cleaned, child happy, reward given, you hype yourself again to get back to the task at hand.

Bringing Little Man back to the living room, Baby Girl sees you, freaks and speed toddles to you, arms outstretched. She needs nursed. Picking her up you realize she also needs a poopy diaper changed. 10 minutes later, ears still ringing from the tantrum thrown being forced to wear a clean diaper, she’s changed, hands washed, nursing. 15 minutes later, she is in her swing, almost ready to nod off, content. You notice the living room needs vacuumed, and know that white noise helps her to fall asleep. 7 minutes later, she’s asleep, Little Man is watching Cars, living room looks better.

Back to re-hyping yourself to tackle the dining and kitchen. You can do this. It’ll feel so much better. You have a few minutes now, because the little ones are situated. 3 minutes in, this is going good, feeling of relief starting to well up.

*screaming* Little Man has decided McQueen isn’t cutting it anymore and he wants to play with Baby Girl. A 4 minute nap should be plenty. Race back to the living room, scold boy child and sit him back on the couch, shush girl child, reinsert pacifier, fix blanky and swing swing harder.

10 minutes later, fight desire to just lay down and RE-hype yourself to finish the kitchen/dining.

3 hours later, a request for water, another episode of boy child waking girl child, a quick shower during a quiet moment, the kitchen and dining look… better, but you have already started all over messing them up by preparing supper and feeding your always hungry toddler lunch and a snack.

Yes, it’s exhausting. Yes, some days it’s too much. But, again, it’s so worth it. Those days when it’s too much, drop your ideas of the house HAVING to be clean. You have children, it’s not possible to be clean all the time. Go play on the floor with them. Make food you like to eat and enjoy it with them. Stay with them all day and make THEM the priority over the house. When you do that, not only are you making memories, but those days where the kitchen IS clean will feel so much better. 😉

Mama Confession #5 – You’ll find that spit up goes with every outfit

And that once it’s spit up on, whatever it is, it becomes a burp cloth. T-shirt, PJ bottoms, fancy top for Hubby’s work party, it all works.

Be smart and always carry around a change of clothes for yourself. There WILL be a time you thank me.

Mama Confession #6 – You’ll find slightly deceptive tricks to teach them manners

Once you have a toddler, you will quickly find that the absolute best (100% success rate) way to get your child to love the toy you bought them is to let their sibling, cousin, uncle, some random kid on the street, Daddy, or anyone really play with it first. (This can work like a charm also after an initial dislike).

There are so many other ways, you’ll catch yourself wondering how right something is you’re doing. Ask yourself WWJD, and try to actually do what He would have. 😉

Mama Confession #7 – Some days will feel like the worst days ever

And some days will feel not that bad, but pretty bad.

But most days, most days will feel like you hit the jackpot. Now, winning a whole ton of money isn’t all fun and games. There’s a lot of responsibility, and a lot of things you could mess up. But it’s a blessing and many good, happy, exciting things come out of it too. 😉 Focus on those things, and the tougher things will seem even smaller.

Oh, and lastly –

Bonus Mama Confession – By Baby #2 you will be drowning in toys

If you can figure out how to successfully avoid that, PLEASE share it with us other Mamas below. We need to band together. I never want to see another mama swimming for dear life like I am. 😉

So Mama, enjoy your crazy new life. It’s going by so fast, and soon we’ll be raising teenagers. I’m trying to soak in all the engine noises and ‘A train, a train!’ exclamations from my little man, and the spunk, snuggles and neediness of my sweet girl. These really are the days. 😉