Shame – how it’s affected my life

I’ve had a rough week.

Why? No, I haven’t stood in the middle of a hurricane with only a rubber ducky and a raincoat. It kind of felt like it tho. Side thought – what are you supposed to do with a rubber ducky when all the water is in the air? Beats me.

On to the serious stuff. 😛

This week has been an eye-opener of all sorts. It’s brought a lot of memories back, brought up things I was doing that I wasn’t even aware of, and tore down my excuses for why I have little confidence and poor outlook.

I have been ashamed.

Ashamed: 1. embarrassed or guilty because of one’s actions, characteristics, or associations.

I have no right. I have been forgiven. I’ve accepted Christ and He has covered my actions. Psalm 103:12 – As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions (sins) from us. Yes, I am to consciously make sure that my actions are honoring to my Father, but when I fail and repent, He doesn’t hold it against me or want me to feel guilt forever about it.

My characteristics are part of who I am, how He made me. Yes, some things about ourselves can annoy the daylights out of ourselves. 😛 But, other than allowing God to make us more like Christ every day, we are who we were meant to be. That weird laugh, or funny way of brushing your teeth, or how you have to wear the correct right and left socks and you’ll be late to work just to make sure they are… those are all characteristics and, no matter how annoying, fine. 😉

And lastly, I have no right to be ashamed of my associations.

I’m proud of my Savior, Jesus. He conquered death! Can you imagine?? Something so definite and certain for each and every single living being on earth and He destroyed it! Then He offered a pardon and reward for each of us who believes in Him. There’s absolutely nothing to be ashamed of about that. Thinking of the cross, the indescribable pain for so long, the blood, the beatings, the public humiliation, the laughter of those enjoying His suffering, the nails, the crown of thorns stabbing his brow, the mocker on the cross next to Him, the cold-hearted betrayal, the knowledge that this man, this God, who could send fire from Heaven and wipe from the face of the earth each and every one there despising Him…. was enduring all of it for me. He let them do what they did to Him because He knew it was the only thing that would be enough in the eyes of God to cover my sin and the sin of generations who put their trust in Him. How do we package His sacrifice into such a cute little event once a year? How do we not acknowledge His greatness, depending on who we are around? If we are around an atheist, Catholic or Baptist, does that change the greatness of our God or what He did? Even tho I would never deny it, sometimes I hide my faith. That is a form of shame. I want never to act ashamed of the Gospel again.

I’m proud of my husband. He is the hardest working, toughest man I know, yet he never ceases to amaze me with how much he can love me, and how much he sacrifices for me. His whole world changed when he accepted the challenge to help me rebuild from a shattered life. Even before we were married he was committed to me and helping me recover no matter what. Then when we married, his whole life changed because his helper needed more help than she could give him. He dealt with constant sickness, almost immediate loss of our 2nd income, specialist appointments, mountains of medical bills that yielded no answers, and finally believed in a ‘weird, crazy’ treatment plan because he wanted me to be well. I have an amazing man. I have a husband who, despite what some people thought, is the best thing that could’ve happened to me. He’s pushed me to be the woman I want to be. He broke the shell of inferiority I was wrapped in and loved me through so many things a normal, sane person would’ve dropped like a hot potato and split from. (No, my husband isn’t clinically insane. 😛 ) I have nothing to be ashamed of regarding my marriage, no matter what anyone outside of our marriage thinks. 🙂 God has blessed me so much more than I deserve with this man.

And I’m proud of my doctor and the nutritional program that I can say quite literally saved my life. After two years of unexplained, worsening symptoms, and no answers from the field I had spent my entire adult life devoted to, this man took a very sick body and has been putting the pieces back together ever since – often at his expense and always for my good. I went from severe depression and hopelessness because of my inability to function to a radically changed diet, a support team of professionals, supplements that support my body in healing, and a life. A life! I have a life! There is still progress to make, but thinking back on the last two years – I am so much better it’s unbelievable. This doctor used his God-given skills to turn my life around. God used people in our church to lead us in that direction. In all of it, God was in control of my healing and, even tho it is against the convention, I am so thankful and proud of how He did it.

So all that said, by God’s grace, mercy and help, I intend to not be ashamed anymore. 🙂

If you ask me about Jesus or laugh because I can believe in a ‘story’ from so long ago, I will tell you that by faith my God has done incredible things in my life, and how Jesus is the sole reason I have hope at all. And I will tell you how much you’re missing out on, because even tho life often sucks and it’s never easy even as a believer, I can’t imagine going through it without the One who went before me, conquered death and wiped out anything I could ever fear. If you ask me about my husband or in-laws, I will tell you I have the best in the world. 🙂 If you ask me about what I eat or what I believe nutritionally, I will tell you about NRT and my doctor and sugar/wheat/soy, how it all changed my life and why. I don’t want to force my beliefs on anyone, as those are never true conversions anyway, but I’m not going to hide it from my life anymore because it is proof of God working in my life. If I don’t have that I don’t have anything.

Lastly, shame in itself isn’t a bad thing. It is how we see our sin and our need of a Savior. It’s what convicts us to turn our lives around. But it can go too far, as it did in my life, and then turn glorifying God into loathing His creation. Which is the opposite of glorying God!

So my advice to you is: accept yourself as God accepts you, get right with Him (any questions on that I am happy to answer! Feel free to comment or message me!), and accept each and every thing He has allowed into your life. I know that can be so hard, but know that Romans 8:28 is pure truth. All things DO work together for good to those who love God. Through each hardship in my life, I can gladly say – He worked all things for my good.

How are you working on being a confident, unashamed daughter (or son) of the King?